Time – The governor’s office on The Svalbard Islands –located in the Arctic Ocean, halfway between Norway and the North Pole – is looking for a polar bear spotter. The role involves standing guard and warning research teams working on the island about approaching polar bears. The Svalbard Islands boast a polar bear population of 3,000, while human inhabitants on the island only number 2,400.
Available this summer…check. Know what a polar bear looks like…check. Voice loud enough to scare away said polar bear…check. 6 foot by 6 foot framed picture of a polar bear hanging above my bed…quadruple check! Okay, well that last one isn’t an actual requirement, but I think it solidifies me as the top candidate for the polar bear spotting job that the Norwegian Svalbard Islands recently opened to the public. Pretty wild opportunity here.
This honestly sounds like everything I’ve ever wanted and more considering the fact that I refuse to go to an aquarium or zoo unless there is a polar bear exhibit and it is confirmed the day-of that the polar bears will be on display. I’ve also wanted a polar bear for as long as I can remember, and I think taking this job will greatly increase the opportunity of me acquiring one. The plan I have is pretty flawless. Befriend a mother polar bear, offer it a nice cold Coca-Cola in exchange for one of its cubs (male of course…I’m never having girls), and then boom, I’m in possession of a polar bear. I really don’t see the issue here.
When have you ever met a polar bear that doesn’t like Coca-Cola? Exactly. Svalbard Islands here I come!
P.S. That commercial kind of reminds me of PZ trying to catch a wiffleball.